Running a marathon is a great goal. You accomplish something only a small percentage of the population dares to do. You experience setting out and accomplishing something big. And you get to put that 26.2 sticker on the ass-end of your minivan.
Buuuuuut. Let me tell you something about marathons.
You have to train for them. And training for a marathon is like being in all 9 circles of hell at once…for six straight months.
Here, friends, let me show you the 9 Circles of Marathon Training Hell.
Should I even run this marathon? you ask yourself over and over again. You will continue to ask this while you are running the actual marathon.
Oh, how I wish I was already done with this thing like *insert friend’s name here*.
Why the f*ck is my stomach getting so fa…ooh look! Someone brought donuts! Well, since I ran today…
Okay, I need new shoes, and I have to drink water, duh, so I definitely need a hydration pack, and I don’t want to get blisters, so of course I need $50 socks, honey, and…you know what, I should see what’s new at Lululemon.
Why the hell did I sign up for this stupid race? I don’t even like running!
Every time I meet a new runner: You know what? Running’s not even good for you. It’s all about lifting weights and eating protein.
This is brought on by a constant state of “hangriness.” GET OUTTA THE WAY OF THE FRIDGE OR I’LL TEAR OFF YOUR ARM AND EAT IT WAMPA-STYLE.
What the shit am I even doing? Am I like the slowest runner on Earth? Does this even count as running? Because this feels like walking briskly.
Husband: How long’s your run?
Me, every time: Two hours.
Actual time: Three hours plus stretching plus rolling plus bathing plus napping.
So, can you relate?
Bahaha. The last one. Every single time.
Hysterical. I’m currently in the limbo and anger phases haha