You may have noticed. I have not been “feelin’ it” lately: running, blogging, being social.
I can’t figure out why, which is annoying. But I’m starting to think I’m actually nervous.
I’m nervous about my sub-2-half attempt on Sunday.
I keep thinking I won’t remember how to run. And if I do remember how to run, will I be able to make my legs go fast? And what if I don’t get my sub-2? Then I have to start all over again with the whole speed training and stuff. I don’t want to. I think I want to take a distance-running break this fall. I’m looking forward to 5 and 10Ks. I’m looking forward to running just for the health of it.
I’m also nervous about what my running life will be like after Sunday.
Someone asked me recently who/what I am running for. Am I running for myself or just to have something to write about on this blog?
I started this blog to keep myself motivated to run. Now, while it’s very encouraging and motivating to have this blogging community, I don’t necessarily need it anymore to get me running. No offense. I just know how to get my behind out of the door.
But why am I getting out of the door? Well…I enjoy running, for one. But, also for the health benefits and to clear my mind. Then, of course, there is the social side: the friendships, both on- and off-line. These are all very selfish things, I suppose, but I’m only human. And I do believe they make me a better person overall. I also don’t know if I would’ve discovered all this if it weren’t for this blog.
But I’m wondering if my journey is over after Sunday’s race. What big goal do I have to reach for, and write about, now? I already fulfilled my marathon dream in June, which is what this whole blog was focused on. I would like to run another marathon, but I promised I would wait for at least a couple of years because the training really took too much time away from my family.
And if I do decide on a goal, do I really need to write about it all the time?
Today, I had a short run on the schedule. I was nervous for 3 miles. Before I left to run, I almost felt as if my legs might just freeze up and refuse to go. So I decided I would just relax and think about things during the run. I would meditate on what I’m running for.
As I took my first few steps of Mile 1, I realized I had not forgotten how to run. My legs were almost machine-like, pushing and pulling me over the sidewalk. My pace: low 9’s. I concentrated on thinking, even though what ducked in and out of my brain varied from “I think there’s a bug in my mouth” to “why do I run?”
I picked it up a little for Mile 2, eager to test my speed. My pace, now in the mid- or low-8’s, felt comfortable. My rhythm was sturdy. Strong even. But I wasn’t thinking about “why I run” anymore. I wasn’t thinking about “my next big goal” or this blog. There was only one thing on my mind:
“I’m going to kill it Sunday.”
I guess I am feelin’ it. I’ll just have think about all that other stuff on Monday.
25 comments
2nd time trying to leave this comment…ditch the word verification dear friend.please :)You're going to KILL itand totally know how you're feeling RE:blogging/running/etcSeriously proud of you
You know, I've had the same problem. A lack of motivation, almost a boredom in running. Honestly, it took “disconnecting” from the data world, the wifi word, and returning to my roots – going out running on trails in the mountains – that returned me to the joy of running.I got burned out on triathlons. Then, one day…I went out to explore – I didn't care the time, the pace, the Heart Rate – I just wanted to know what was over the next ridge. I went trail running, something I'd never done before.I learned To relax and not care about the “training plan” that mattered. To simply run like a child – go out and and reconnect with that inner boy that loved putting on a pair of shoes and just seeing what was over the next hill – that brought me back to the love of the ultramarathon.Disconnect. Go explore. Go to to the store to shop, to discover. Go somewhere crazy. And don't wear the HR strap. Just -run. Learn to relearn the love of the WALK. Breathe fresh air, and enjoy – outside.But I'm biased. I love fresh air, the outside, and reconnected with ANYTHING NOT processed.One day a week – go back and discover why you first learned to love the run.
Remember to trust your training and HAVE FUN. Don't overthink it. That said…..you're going to kill it.
Okay – one last final thing…Go have fun. Whatever that is – forget about marathons, training, training plans, fast, slow, twitter, facebook, anything. Get away – unplug. Discover – life – and breath the great outdoors, and life – and then, only then, take the next step!And most importantly – ignore people like me!
I feel ya on losing the running feeling (and the blogging feeling). I've just been so burned out lately… but we don't need to get into that on YOUR blog. :)You've had awesome training runs lately, I saw how you performed under pressure (and in the heat) at Hood to Coast, and your paces are wellllll beyond what you need for a sub-2. The only person standing in your way here is you.And, if by some freak chance, you don't happen to get it this weekend? SO WHAT? There will be so many other half marathons to do in your lifetime. It's not the end of the world — ever race is a learning experience, so go into this feeling everything & find the positives in it despite what your official time may be.SO, take a deep breath in, please. And now breathe out. Breathe in… and breathe out.Now, go rest up & get ready to kill it on Sunday.xoxo,A
Kill it girl! Take the pressure off and just run it without the feeling like you have to do it…let your legs go, your heart be free, and just do what you know you can already do! Run, enjoy it, and tell yourself that you've already don't all the hard work! You're awesome!
You've so got this. Your training has been spot on, can't wait, can't wait for Sunday.
You have this! You are going to do amazing and you will have a new goal in no time.
Of course you're going to kill it! Just don't pull an “Alma” and go out too fast. 🙂
I've been following your training and you're going to kill it! I'm still attempting a sub 2 half and I don't think it is going to be this year unless it is a Nov/Dec race.
You've so got this! Just relax, rest, and have fun. I hope you do post about the race and the awesome sub-2 time you're going to get. I love reading your recaps. Kill it!
I am with Tricia on word verification. :-)Running mojo comes and goes. I think the major thing is to relax and just enjoy the movement. Good luck.
It has been so inspirational to watch your transformation on this blog….you are a speedy girl now and are going to ROCK IT on Sunday!!! I agree with Ewa…mojo comes and goes. Go with it!
You're going to do great on Sunday! As for losing your running mojo, maybe, when you're not training for any particular race and just running for the pleasure of it, it will all come back to you.
It's just taper madness trying to mess with your head. Your mojo will be back, maybe in some other form besides the long distances. PRing the hell out of your next 5K? Trail running? Age group placement at shorter races? Triathlons? But don't feel bad if you need a break too! I have always envied the “zen” runners, who just head out with no goal in mind. Might be fun to try that someday.As you YGG, you have built up a nice cushion for yourself and will kill that sub-2!
You ARE going to kill it!!! You have all of us cheering for you!! 🙂
I always go into semi-crazy mode leading up to races. I start questioning whether I'm even capable of doing the distance (even when I've done more in training). I think it's totally normal.As for the goals and blogging, you have to do what works for you. If you set a new goal, do you need to blog about it? No. But, do you want to? That's the question that will matter. Most of us will still enjoy reading it!And good luck at your race! Can't wait to read the report.
You are going to OWN it on Sunday. I can't wait!
Dude… if I am even remotely thinking I can do it then you can DEFINITELY do it! Sure, something weird could happen… but ehhhh… that's life, right? We will all still love you regardless 🙂 But that is neither here nor there because you WILL annihilate the beast!!!!!Go, KERRIE!Why do I feel like all us fans are stating THE OBVIOUS??? LOL!
Sunday is going to be AWESOME. I know it :)If you get nervous, tell yourself “It is just running. I like running”. that is what I tell myself. 🙂
I'm having the same feeling. No energy, dreading running, eating crap. I thought it was the weather turning to fall, but maybe its my first marathon coming up on Oct. 9th. You ARE going to kill it, and after that you'll make up a new goal. Or you'll sign up for a race to do just for fun, which always helps me get back to loving running. For now, “you go girl” (ick, I can't believe I just wrote that).
Have a blast on Sunday!!
I've been amazed by your progress. Your blog is one of the first I started to read via Muddy Runner way back when. You are gonna KILL IT Sunday!!
I'm so excited for you!! Good Luck – sub 2 has been such a thorn in my side this year! I hope you nail it! I've watched you get faster and faster this year – so awesome… I need your dedication, but what can I say, I hate the training intervals… 🙂 Go Get It Kerrie!!
You did it…!!! Great time too!It's okay not to blog for awhile…I've been easing off it a bit also. Family first,me, running…blogging takes A LOT of time!