I know this is long, but please hear me out.
This morning, it took me three cups of coffee to wake up. I forgot how tiring the middle of my “regularly scheduled program” is now that the holidays are over. I also stayed up too late last night reading Bitter is the New Black (I highly recommend it, by the way, if you enjoy sarcastic memoirs that are written for the chick lit crowd – love!).
Anyway, Tuesday through Thursday is a race. I know I’ve said it before, but I really don’t know how moms and dads who work full-time out of the home do it. Three days is all I have to finish, and by Thursday night, I’m completely wiped out.
I cannot keep this pace.
First, there’s T Junior, my toddler-going-on-teenager. (Seriously. He’ll sleep past 9 a.m. if you let him and he’s obsessed with cars.) The night before my workdays, I get all of his things ready for the next day, plus do the usual stuff. I lay out his clothes, he gets a bath, and then me and Mr. T go through the bedtime routine of saying “night-night” and putting on PJs, and I read him several books. After he goes to bed, I load the dishwasher, clean up dinner and make T Junior’s lunch for the next day. I’ve actually started making three days of lunches ahead of time, so all I have to do is put it in his bag and stick it in the fridge. Sometimes I also feed the dogs and sometimes Mr. T does this. If I have a little extra energy, I try to pick up around the kitchen a little, but that’s really not very often.
Second, there’s the job. I don’t work from home, so I drive somewhere early in the morning. I write all day about PBS movies or documentaries or educational software. Whatever’s on the list for me to write about. Then, I head home and pick up T Junior, who is usually cranky because he’s tired and hungry after a long day. Kind of like me. Even though being at work is actually where I get a break.
There are workouts to do, too, for marathon training. I’ve mentioned that for the days I work, I’m going to try to fit it in during my lunch hour on Tuesday and Wednesday at the Secret Gym. I made Thursday a rest day because I do a volunteer service over the phone at lunch. But my lunch hour is just that. One hour. Sixty minutes. I can’t very well do a long run on these days. And my day starts early. Too early for me to run before work. My only option would be to do long runs at night and I just know myself. I won’t. I can’t. So, I will focus on short speed runs and cross training and strength on these middle days.
Then, there are the blogs. I have two. Actually, I have three, but the third one is probably going away because two is hard enough. I usually head over to the living room couch at night after doing the dishes, and turn on my laptop. That’s normally when I write my posts for Mom vs. Marathon. On my days off of work, I try to fit blogging in during T Junior’s naps. My mom blog, Sanity Department, hasn’t been getting a lot of my attention, but I want to change that. I miss it.
I spend a lot of time on blog posts. I can’t help it. I’m a writer. I go over and over them, sometimes for hours. This is why writers need deadlines. If you let us, we could work on a single sentence for an eternity. And it’s why writers need editors. If you let us, we could write about one topic for an eternity (ahem, my race recaps).
And not only do I write blog posts, but I read all of your posts, as well. After I’m done writing about running, I usually spend time reading about running at your blogs. I try to make it around to everyone on my blogroll if I can. It’s hard to keep up because my list is constantly growing! (Plus, I should be reading the book for the book club I organize and/or reading any of the other five or six books I read at one time.)
Then, there is my dream of becoming an author. I have a new freakin’ idea for a book just about every day. Sometimes I have more than one idea a day. What happens is that I don’t flesh out these ideas in my head very well. So, I get really excited about them, and start to write. After I get a few thousand words into it, my excitement fizzles and doubt takes over. I know that I just have to work through this period. Stay on it. But with so many other things going on, when the excitement isn’t there, the book gets pushed aside only to be overtaken by another idea. To combat this, I’ve set up a desk in our master closet where I can put my laptop, keep my notebooks (I have many) and get away from the TV and any other distractions, like Mr. T.
Poor Mr. T. He’s such a good sport, always supporting my “latest and greatest” book idea and fully equipping me for my marathon dream (seriously, Christmas morning was like a runner’s shopping spree thanks to him and my mom). But I feel lately that I’ve been neglecting more than my third blog. And it brings tears to my eyes.
I think I’m about to make a decision that is going to change things for Mom vs. Marathon. I think in writing this post that I have come to a realization.
I mean, did you just read this? Do you see how far down Mr. T is on this list?
That is just wrong.
I am ashamed.
Mr. T hasn’t complained. He doesn’t know I’m writing this or about to do what I’m about to do.
I’ll admit, though, that we had a talk last month about the laptops. Often, we’ll sit right next to each other in front of the 32-inch TV, behind our little laptops. Me, blogging. Him, playing (this computer game that I really don’t get). We are silent, each focused on the glowing screens that sit between us. Occasionally, I’ll look up and ask Mr. T what he’s doing or make a random observation about the program on the television. This makes me feel a little less neglectful, a tiny bit less guilty, in the moment. After our conversation in December, we each vowed to change. We went on vacation. We came back.
It hasn’t changed.
I swear to you that this post did not start out this way. In fact, here’s my original first paragraph: “I just realized that I forgot to do Thank You Thursday last week and the week before. It wouldn’t have mattered if I remembered, though, because my mom’s Internet connection takes about the same time to load as it does for me to run a mile.” I don’t even know how I got to what I’m about to say, but obviously, it needs to be said.
I cannot keep this pace.
I wish I would have made this realization a while ago. Back on January 1 would have been good, even, as it would’ve fit so neatly into my post about goals. (*rolls eyes at self*) But it didn’t, so here it is on January 7. A week into 2010.
Mom vs. Marathon will no longer be a daily blog. I can’t do it. Something’s gotta give and I don’t want it to be my husband.
I am not married to this blog. I am not married to you (no offense). I am married to Mr. T and I should act that way.
I am making some changes. I promise, Mr. T.
No, I am still running. That won’t change. But I won’t be hanging around here as often.
I am still going to update this blog and my other blog. But not daily. I am going to try posting once a week at Sanity Department and twice a week at Mom vs. Marathon. I will try to stick with the same two days here, although, I haven’t decided what they will be yet. Probably Sunday and Wednesday. And I will keep the “Day” format of my headline, except it will be “Days” instead. It will continue to be a chronicle of my training. I probably will only make it around to read blogs twice a week, as well.
I know this will hurt this blogs popularity, not that it’s that popular. But it probably won’t grow much. Readers crave new content. I know I do. It’s just a fact. I’m okay with it. I simply cannot keep this pace I’ve set for myself. If there was a Garmin f
or my life, I’d be in the sprinting zone. (Is there a sprinting zone?)
I just really need to focus less on virtual life for a while and concentrate on real life. Not that you guys aren’t real to me. That’s not what I mean. I enjoy each and every one of the people I have met through this blog. You all inspire me. You are helping me become a better runner. A real runner. And I have lots more learning to do!
It’s not you. It’s me.
Basically, I’m addicted to blogging.
There. I said it.