I know this is long, but please hear me out.
This morning, it took me three cups of coffee to wake up. I forgot how tiring the middle of my “regularly scheduled program” is now that the holidays are over. I also stayed up too late last night reading Bitter is the New Black (I highly recommend it, by the way, if you enjoy sarcastic memoirs that are written for the chick lit crowd – love!).
Anyway, Tuesday through Thursday is a race. I know I’ve said it before, but I really don’t know how moms and dads who work full-time out of the home do it. Three days is all I have to finish, and by Thursday night, I’m completely wiped out.
I cannot keep this pace.
First, there’s T Junior, my toddler-going-on-teenager. (Seriously. He’ll sleep past 9 a.m. if you let him and he’s obsessed with cars.) The night before my workdays, I get all of his things ready for the next day, plus do the usual stuff. I lay out his clothes, he gets a bath, and then me and Mr. T go through the bedtime routine of saying “night-night” and putting on PJs, and I read him several books. After he goes to bed, I load the dishwasher, clean up dinner and make T Junior’s lunch for the next day. I’ve actually started making three days of lunches ahead of time, so all I have to do is put it in his bag and stick it in the fridge. Sometimes I also feed the dogs and sometimes Mr. T does this. If I have a little extra energy, I try to pick up around the kitchen a little, but that’s really not very often.
Second, there’s the job. I don’t work from home, so I drive somewhere early in the morning. I write all day about PBS movies or documentaries or educational software. Whatever’s on the list for me to write about. Then, I head home and pick up T Junior, who is usually cranky because he’s tired and hungry after a long day. Kind of like me. Even though being at work is actually where I get a break.
There are workouts to do, too, for marathon training. I’ve mentioned that for the days I work, I’m going to try to fit it in during my lunch hour on Tuesday and Wednesday at the Secret Gym. I made Thursday a rest day because I do a volunteer service over the phone at lunch. But my lunch hour is just that. One hour. Sixty minutes. I can’t very well do a long run on these days. And my day starts early. Too early for me to run before work. My only option would be to do long runs at night and I just know myself. I won’t. I can’t. So, I will focus on short speed runs and cross training and strength on these middle days.
Then, there are the blogs. I have two. Actually, I have three, but the third one is probably going away because two is hard enough. I usually head over to the living room couch at night after doing the dishes, and turn on my laptop. That’s normally when I write my posts for Mom vs. Marathon. On my days off of work, I try to fit blogging in during T Junior’s naps. My mom blog, Sanity Department, hasn’t been getting a lot of my attention, but I want to change that. I miss it.
I spend a lot of time on blog posts. I can’t help it. I’m a writer. I go over and over them, sometimes for hours. This is why writers need deadlines. If you let us, we could work on a single sentence for an eternity. And it’s why writers need editors. If you let us, we could write about one topic for an eternity (ahem, my race recaps).
And not only do I write blog posts, but I read all of your posts, as well. After I’m done writing about running, I usually spend time reading about running at your blogs. I try to make it around to everyone on my blogroll if I can. It’s hard to keep up because my list is constantly growing! (Plus, I should be reading the book for the book club I organize and/or reading any of the other five or six books I read at one time.)
Then, there is my dream of becoming an author. I have a new freakin’ idea for a book just about every day. Sometimes I have more than one idea a day. What happens is that I don’t flesh out these ideas in my head very well. So, I get really excited about them, and start to write. After I get a few thousand words into it, my excitement fizzles and doubt takes over. I know that I just have to work through this period. Stay on it. But with so many other things going on, when the excitement isn’t there, the book gets pushed aside only to be overtaken by another idea. To combat this, I’ve set up a desk in our master closet where I can put my laptop, keep my notebooks (I have many) and get away from the TV and any other distractions, like Mr. T.
Poor Mr. T. He’s such a good sport, always supporting my “latest and greatest” book idea and fully equipping me for my marathon dream (seriously, Christmas morning was like a runner’s shopping spree thanks to him and my mom). But I feel lately that I’ve been neglecting more than my third blog. And it brings tears to my eyes.
I think I’m about to make a decision that is going to change things for Mom vs. Marathon. I think in writing this post that I have come to a realization.
I mean, did you just read this? Do you see how far down Mr. T is on this list?
That is just wrong.
I am ashamed.
Mr. T hasn’t complained. He doesn’t know I’m writing this or about to do what I’m about to do.
I’ll admit, though, that we had a talk last month about the laptops. Often, we’ll sit right next to each other in front of the 32-inch TV, behind our little laptops. Me, blogging. Him, playing (this computer game that I really don’t get). We are silent, each focused on the glowing screens that sit between us. Occasionally, I’ll look up and ask Mr. T what he’s doing or make a random observation about the program on the television. This makes me feel a little less neglectful, a tiny bit less guilty, in the moment. After our conversation in December, we each vowed to change. We went on vacation. We came back.
It hasn’t changed.
I swear to you that this post did not start out this way. In fact, here’s my original first paragraph: “I just realized that I forgot to do Thank You Thursday last week and the week before. It wouldn’t have mattered if I remembered, though, because my mom’s Internet connection takes about the same time to load as it does for me to run a mile.” I don’t even know how I got to what I’m about to say, but obviously, it needs to be said.
I cannot keep this pace.
I wish I would have made this realization a while ago. Back on January 1 would have been good, even, as it would’ve fit so neatly into my post about goals. (*rolls eyes at self*) But it didn’t, so here it is on January 7. A week into 2010.
Mom vs. Marathon will no longer be a daily blog. I can’t do it. Something’s gotta give and I don’t want it to be my husband.
I am not married to this blog. I am not married to you (no offense). I am married to Mr. T and I should act that way.
I am making some changes. I promise, Mr. T.
No, I am still running. That won’t change. But I won’t be hanging around here as often.
I am still going to update this blog and my other blog. But not daily. I am going to try posting once a week at Sanity Department and twice a week at Mom vs. Marathon. I will try to stick with the same two days here, although, I haven’t decided what they will be yet. Probably Sunday and Wednesday. And I will keep the “Day” format of my headline, except it will be “Days” instead. It will continue to be a chronicle of my training. I probably will only make it around to read blogs twice a week, as well.
I know this will hurt this blogs popularity, not that it’s that popular. But it probably won’t grow much. Readers crave new content. I know I do. It’s just a fact. I’m okay with it. I simply cannot keep this pace I’ve set for myself. If there was a Garmin f
or my life, I’d be in the sprinting zone. (Is there a sprinting zone?)
I just really need to focus less on virtual life for a while and concentrate on real life. Not that you guys aren’t real to me. That’s not what I mean. I enjoy each and every one of the people I have met through this blog. You all inspire me. You are helping me become a better runner. A real runner. And I have lots more learning to do!
It’s not you. It’s me.
Really.
Basically, I’m addicted to blogging.
There. I said it.
13 comments
I am addicted too. I feel your pain. I need to slow down the relationship (lol) but I just can't.
Well said.. So if you are not Blogging then you will have itme for SPEEDWORK during the lunch break with Tall Mom?? Huh?? Jillian style..
I commend you for making a change! I have too had that laptop conversation, and it is difficult to change. Keep up the amazing work! I may e-mail you for advice as I start on my adventure to run my first half marathon! : )
It is very very addicting, the blog world. Your decision is extremely valid and makes complete sense. But that doesn't mean that you can get away without running with me again! Mwa ha ha ha! Seriously, Kerrie. Ya gotta do what you gotta do. And Mr. T and the little teenager are your life. 🙂
There are times when I have time to blog daily, but usually, I spend too much time on each post… so writing every day would be counter productive to life w/ kids-job-school-etc. Case in Point -my marathon re-cap took 8 hours. Not kidding. Fortunately, I was glued to my chair, weighted down with exhaustion and an icepack. I think your blog is adorable, pointed, and well written (all those hours show), and please, just write when you can… and we'll read when we can. There is no judgement here in BlogLand. Those of us who have trained for a marathon totally get that feeling of “I can't do one more thing” exhaustion, and those who haven't run a marathon are so in awe of you that all they think is, “wow, how does she do it?” Take care!
Kerrie – The faithful will not leave! Do what you need to do. Family is always first. Plus, doesn't distance make the heart grow fonder? Just think about how excited we will all be when we get an update … wait, I get it now, you're not trying to break up with us, you're trying to make us want you more. Good plan, my dear, good plan …
Kerrie – TOTALLY understandable!! I dont update my blog daily exactly for all the reasons you mentioned. Don't worry – I'll continue to check for new posts and happily hop on over when I see one 🙂
Kudos to recognizing the need to reprioritze your life. It a cruel realization some times.The family will benefit greatly.I'll miss you but I'll look forward to your twice weekly posts!
Good decision… sometimes it's hard to prioritize when it's all stuff that you like but spending time on some things (or someones ) is definitely more important than others. I think twice a week is still great… I'm way more sporadic than that!
True story. The Mrs. and the girls were asleep last night by about 8:30 or so, so I sat out in the living room with my laptop, watching the Texas-Alabama game. I got to your post, started to read it while trying to watch the game, and then I zonked out. I woke up, the game was long over and my neck hurt. It wasn't your blog post that knocked me out (or was it?) because this is actually a common occurrence, once a week at least.Anyway, I'm addicted to blogging too but thus far the only thing that has suffered has been work! No, just kidding. I tend to knock out two or three posts (if I can) at a time, and then just have them post automatically on the upcoming days. That's why they post at like 2 a.m., like I'm up blogging at 2 a.m.! Anyway, with the way you blog it's not exactly possible as you tend to recap your days and all that but maybe you could do something similar, where you just kind of stock up ideas and write a few posts at a time.Anyway, I'll be here reading your blog on the days you post so just do what you've gotta do.
Kerrie,How weird. I feel like you were writing MY thoughts, right down to two laptops, side by side, in front of the TV, and him playing a game while I blog/write. Wow! I've had these same pangs of guilt and as you know, made some decisions last month – for the same reasons. I gave up my 2nd job, but still feel like my virtual time overruns my family (and sometimes, even running!) time… not good! I've tried to limit my # of posts, but find that they've krept back up in recent weeks. MUST FIND BALANCE…. each of us, in our own way. I do hope you'll still run w/ us in the Pay it Forward 500+ Mile Club, and write when you can. We'll be out here. :-)GIANT HUGS from Orlando!r.
crept, not krept…oops! It's 1:30 am …
you can only do what you can… I don't maintain my blog daily either, there are just not enough hours in a day to work, play, run (and for me, swim, bike, P90X), update my blog, read everyone else's. Something has to give, you're right. Take care of you and your family first, we'll be here for you when you do update, or need us 🙂