What’s Next?

I haven’t been around for a while, and I’m feeling a little vulnerable right now writing this post.

I haven’t been around because, along with work and laundry and making school lunches, I’ve been contemplating my next move. Life is like chess, right? By that I mean that I have no idea how to play chess. (People have tried to teach me and nope.)

I feel like I’m about to start a new chapter in my life. Sorry to switch metaphors, but do you ever feel that way?

You’re going along doing your thing, then something outside of your control happens and throws everything off. You try to get back to that comfy space, but the more you try, the harder it becomes. And then more things you didn’t expect at all just keep happening, which leaves you wondering if maybe the universe is trying to tell you something.

Today, I have been thinking a lot about compassion and empathy. I have been thinking about what I can do to show more of those things. I have been thinking about family and friendships and our country and the world. I have been thinking about being open and giving and living without fear, which is really damn scary.

I feel like reading Anne Lamott. I feel like I should buy a desk calendar of Dalai Lama quotes. I crave Mary Engelbreit drawings and Nora Ephron movies. I need my husband and my son. I need my mom, my dad and my sisters. I need girls nights. I need to write. I need to move my body. I need hugs and twinkle lights. Also chocolate.

I am not someone who can come up with answers or solutions easily. It takes me a long time to figure things out…like decades. So, I won’t be deciding what’s next tonight. That is unless it’s which Nora movie should I watch—that’s simple.